Exhilaration!

I had a very powerful early morning dream this morning about the sexual trauma I experienced as a child. Usually after such a dream I would be drained. Since practicing yoga I can actually feel when my psychoneurological system retreats into trauma mode and I feel the energy being drained right out of me. Now I have the tools to manage these feelings. I did my deep breathing and used the techniques that Ana Forrest's wonderful assistants offered to me during the Master Class. I wrote down the dream. I observed what was happening in my body and rather than feel that the trauma owns me, I am feeling that I own the trauma and I own the polio. My desire is to find ways to move beyond the trauma and the polio as I heal, make new connections (in so many ways) and live my full, vibrant, joyful, free and poetic life.

When the student is ready the teacher appears and what a blessing that today was my regularly scheduled individual yoga lesson with Pat Donaher. I always have a laundry list of things I want to work on but today I knew what was most important was working on my proprioception - "from Latin proprius, meaning "one's own" and perception, is the sense of the relative position of neighbouring parts of the body and strength of effort being employed in movement." (from Wikipedia). David Vendetti talked about how I had no neurological sense of how to push and straighten my arms while he assisted me in wheel.



I notice how in binds or whenever there is an over and under cue, I get confused. Pat went right to work today and I could feel his excitement and energy flow with today's work. I felt as though I was in a boot camp for proprioception challenges. Pat is so dynamic and creative. We took pictures off of the wall to 'get at' the opportunity to rewire and make new neurological connections by doing back bends against the wall. He did core work with this cool exercise where I had to hold my legs up while he dropped them. Of course there was a vinyasa and he helped me to work on my form bringing heart through, shoulders stay down the back, breath guides movement and keeping strong throughout the core.

We worked on bridge pose and assisted bridge pose and were able to see where the disconnection comes in straightening my elbows. So Pat decides to take gravity out of it and fly me - as in flying partner yoga. In being a flier, Pat and I were able to keenly observe how I use my right side to compensate for the left side which had been affected by the polio. But during the holotropic breath work with David, I realized that my right leg had been paralyzed during the initial attack of the virus. I said to Pat today we forget that my right arm was paralyzed - I said it several times over and when he pointed it out I said - oh I meant my left but as I am sitting here, I realize that I can let in that I was initially paralyzed from the neck down on both sides. I am so blessed, so grateful, so incredibly fortunate that the right side returned as quickly as it did. There are noticeable gaps when I need to harness my left arm and moving elbows from straight to bent and straight again while engaging other muscles is a challenge. Pat had me stand in lunge and chair pose and put blocks on top of my hands to bend and straighten my elbows. He had me do tree with eagle arms and then eagle with eagle arms. Anything to twist me up to challenge my neurological wiring. I did strength training, I did running but nothing gives a whole body work out like yoga!




We did a few poses while Pat was flying me (bow pose above) and then he went for the peak pose of the day in which I would do wheel while he lifted me on his feet so I could get the sensation of having my arms straight, pushing into the floor while being in a back bend. Because my back was a little tight, I couldn't make it all the way to the floor with my hands but I got the sensation of what it feels like to be in a back bend with arms straight. I have something to build on. But more than any pose is the feeling of exhilaration that comes with building strength, grace, moving in new ways and in new directions, moving out the trauma and changing the fear that was once so bound in every cell of my body through the beautiful movements orchestrated by Pat Donaher. Namaste.



From my heart to yours
With exhilaration, love, light and gratitude
Mary